I am free

Today begins a new day.  Today I start over.  Today I am free.

Yesterday was hard.  Don't know if it was the weather, the food I consumed at the tailgating (no, I didn't drink alcohol!), or my life story just whirling around and around in my head, making me think of regrets, unmotivation and opportunities missed or passed over.  Either way, I could not physically or mentally move and my body ached as much as my soul.

I missed doing my Bible study AND my meditation this weekend so maybe I was having withdrawals.  I am a sinner in so many ways.  I procrastinate.  I envy.  I hate.  I self-pity.  I sloth.  I could go on and on and on but I won't. I am working on being better and that is enough for now.

I did two meditations this morning to try and catch up.  I will do two tomorrow to finish catching up but here's what I learned.....

MY GREATEST FEAR. 

It is rejection. 

There, I said it and I'm not ashamed.....anymore.

I use to be very ashamed.  The fear of rejection has fueled so many mistakes (ok, ALL of my mistakes) in my life.  I want to be accepted.  By EVERYONE.  By strangers, by family, by friends, by co-workers, by animals, by children, by elderly people, by clerks in stores, by waiters, by my children's teachers, by people who will never like me or care about me.  I have suffered rejection.  And it has NOT been my fault.  Well, maybe once or twice but the rest of the time......NO.

What am I so aftraid of?  What is the worse that will happen if I am rejected?  I don't know but it has paralyzed me so many times I have tailored my whole life around trying to make sure it doesn't happen.  I have not done things because I was SURE I'd be rejected if I tried.  I have given up because I knew it would end in being rejected.  I have cried and cried at only the possibility of possibly being rejected.

In todays meditation, I was to imagine a majestic mountain top and think of how to get there.  I  imagined the paths being overgrown with weeds and thorns.  I was to remember that sometimes the "road less traveled" is the best path but that you have to pull those weeds, get them out of the way and clear your path.  I imagined one big weed blocking my way and was told to think of that as my greatest fear.  Then I was told to pull it and toss it aside so I can continue on my journey. 

It. Was. That. Simple.

Rejection is rejection.  It can not hurt me if I don't let it and it can not stop me if I pull it up and toss it aside. It has no physical strength.  It can not break a bone.  It can not chain me up and refuse to let me do anything.  I had that once.  I had that BECAUSE I was afraid of rejection. 

I am free.  I can do whatever I want and I can think whatever I want. 

Today I continue to cleanse my mind and soul, letting my spirit, THE spirit, fill me.  Today I start cleansing my body.  It's hard.  I'm not sure I can do it.  The cleanse/detox I have chosen is rigorous.  But, I know there are options that are just as good and I WILL make my body healthy, one way or another.

Here is a link for anyone not sure they can do the whole month cleanse thingy.  It gives you the basics of what is healthy to eat and will possibly show you if you have allergies if you start reintroducing regular foods SLOWLY.  It is a printable list you can keep on your frig so it's there, looking at you (much like the pig that oinks every time you open the frig door....only more subtle) http://www.doctoroz.com/videos/elimination-diet-printable-one-sheet

I AM FREE.

"In my anguish I cried to the Lord, and He answered by setting me free" - Psalms 118:5

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  Stand firm, then and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." - Galatians 5:1