I am doing a Beth Moore Bible study with a group of ladies. These ladies are from the church I have been attending. I will say now, I am not a member yet of this church, nor am I a regular attendee. I have had a hard time finding my way back to church, to the church family, because of a time in my life where I was so involved, giving all I had and was, to the church. I had turned to that church, I now believe, for the wrong reasons....to save my marriage and my family. I thought if I did everything right, if I gave myself completely to His service, He would make everything right in a very wrong life.
Apparently, it doesn't happen that way. And, in discovering this, in asking my priest to accept that I would have to leave that marriage to save myself and my children, in getting the answer of "this is your lot in life and you must bare it or leave the church", I felt rejection not only from him but from my church family and yes, from God. In a time when I needed them all so much.
I am now married to a wonderful man who lives his life as an example of how we all should be. I get angry sometimes because he is so patient, so giving, so caring and so selfless that others (yes, even myself) have taken advantage of him. We had somewhat of a heated discussion just last week because I thought someone was taking advantage of him and I wanted him to stand up for himself. He said that the person needed what he had and who was he to deny someone of a need. He (kinda) told me it wasn't hurting me and so it wasn't my concern. It was then I realized how much I love another person and he realized how much I love him because I told him that it WAS my concern. I am his defender, I am his support, I am his backup and seeing anyone use him hurts me. He told me he had never had that kind of love. I fell more in love with him (and I didn't think that was possible!).
How do these two examples tie into each other? Well, I see love as supporting someone no matter what. In understanding they aren't perfect but you would defend them to the death anyway. I did not get that from my church and associated that I wasn't getting that from God. I have shied away from church, from others, because I have been afraid of receiving that rejection again. I now have a husband who has taught me to love without expecting anything simply because it's the right thing to do. To give without thought of receiving simply because it's the right thing to do. To trust without knowledge that you will not be deceived simply because it's the right thing to do.
I know God has led me to this Bible study because I have been away from Him too long. He has led me to this group of ladies who, not ONCE has said "We didn't see you in church Sunday." Who accept me but don't expect one thing in return. I am finding my way back, I am loving again, I am giving again, I am trusting again and God has been there, patiently waiting, loving, giving and trusting that I would come back to Him.
I titled this blog today "Caretakers of our bodies" because I intended on talking about preparing our bodies to be open by cleansing and purifying ourselves. I am a firm believer in cleansing our bodies of all the toxins we are exposed to so they don't build up within us and cause permanent damage. But aren't our souls like that too? We need to get all the "junk" out of there so we can receive the good stuff. So we don't become toxic in our thoughts and deeds.
And, as God will have it, I read a verse this morning, while catching up on my Bible study, that spoke to me. It wasn't part of the study but, like so many times before, God led me to flip my Bible open to what HE wanted me to hear. II Timothy 2:19-21 says "Neverthless, the foundation of God standeth steady, having this seal, The Lord knoweth them that are his. And, Let every one that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity. 20 But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also of wood and of earth; and some to honour and some to dishonor. 21 If a man therefore purge himself from these, he shall be a vessel unto honour, sanctified, and useful for the master's use, and prepared unto every good work."
Isn't that a miracle? I was thinking I needed to focus on letting y'all know how to purge and cleanse your bodies so you can start healing your bodies and eating right and God took my secret prayer from the most painful part of my heart and He showed me that TRUE healing comes from realizing that there is good and evil in the world and that if we purge our hearts and our souls by just realizing this simple fact, we will become a vessel to be used in His name.
Maybe next time God will led me to share information I have gathered about cleansing our bodies to get all the toxins out but...... "Not my will, but Thine, be done". Amen.
" For it is God which worketh in you both to will and do of HIS good pleasure." - Philippians 3:13
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